Last night, as we bowed down and kissed the feet of our Lord and God and Savior Jesus Christ suspended upon the Cross, we beheld the unbounded depth of His great love for mankind. He endured the humiliation, the mocking, the spitting, the purple robe, the striking, the crown of thorns, the cross, the spear and death: all for the sake of His great love for us! And tomorrow night at Holy Pascha, we will all witness and experience the absolute divine power of His love, trampling down death by death and upon those in the tombs bestowing life! For the remainder of Holy Week and throughout the glorious Holy Pascha season, it is essential that our hearts and minds remain firmly fixed on Christ. Not just today and tomorrow, but always.

There is however, just one bit of news that I'd like to share with you today. Through the abounding grace and steadfast love of God for us, by the anointing with Holy Oil, and through your constant love and prayers for me an unworthy sinner; I learned from the surgeon yesterday afternoon that I am already scheduled for surgery next week, on Bright Wednesday, April 7th. My heart overflows with thankfulness to God and is warmed like a newborn babe wrapped in the swaddling cloth of your loving prayers, together with those of the saints. The Lord is gracious and merciful. He has heard the voice of our weeping, and has turned our prayerful bitter tears into joy. In His love for mankind, God has looked upon me, His broken and humbled and unworthy servant; and He has filled my heart with rejoicing! The last Liturgy I will be blessed to celebrate prior to surgery is Holy Pascha. What priest would not rejoice in this blessing?! And, on the same day as surgery, all the clergy from the southern California deanery will be celebrating the Bright Wednesday Divine Liturgy, with His Grace Bishop Joseph presiding, at St. Nicholas Cathedral in LA. So, although I will be on an operating table at the time, I believe that through prayer I will somehow be a part of that Holy Liturgy.

Asking your forgiveness with deep repentance for all my sins, and with thankfulness and love in every fiber of my being for our crucified and risen Lord, the only-begotten Son and Word of God, the Peace and Power of God; together with His almighty Father; and the all-holy, and good and life creating Holy Spirit...

Together with Kyra, Ana and Katya, and all my family; I warmly embrace each and every one of you with a big bear hug and the kiss of peace, my most dear and beloved family in Christ, offering my heartfelt eternal thanksgiving for all your encouragement, support, love and prayers.

May we all be accounted worthy to behold the glorious resurrection of Christ!
Always with much love in Christ, Fr. Michael

Beloved and precious ones at St. Luke's,

Christ is in our midst!

We were all greatly lifted up on the wings of prayer last evening in the celebration of the Great Feast of the Holy Annunciation! My heart has been filled with peace and rejoicing, glorifying and worshiping God - who loves us and always does everything for our salvation - joined together with you in love and prayer, our most dear ones in Christ.

Kyra and I have just returned home from this morning's appointment with the oncologist. I am rather overwhelmed by what we heard, and what we didn't hear, and am struggling to compose myself, through prayer and by the grace of God, just enough to be able to share the results with you. First of all, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all your love and prayers and support and words and expressions of encouragement. I feel myself to be so unworthy of your genuine kindness and love. And at the same time, I am most thankful for the great blessing that you are in our life.

In brief and simple terms, the good news is that, following the six weeks of chemo and radiation, the CT scan revealed that the main tumor and its components have all shrunk. Also, there is no evidence that the cancer has spread anywhere. It is still localized. And more good news, although the mass is next to the main, essential to life vein that runs alongside the pancreas, the cancer has not involved this vein.

On the other hand, the cystic portions have not shrunk. Three of these were measured. They may or may not be cancerous, its impossible to know. In fact, they have all grown very slightly: one grew 1 millimeter, another grew 2 millimeters. And, it was the fear and risk of rupturing one of these cysts that caused the last surgery to be stopped.

So, long story short, we still do not know if there will be another surgery or not. This is yet to be determined by the surgeon. His colleagues describe him as very aggressive, which is what I want, and he is known to be one of the best pancreatic surgeons in the Western United States. To whatever degree my input matters, I will continue to humbly request that we move forward with surgery, despite the risks. I have an appointment with the surgeon next week, on Holy Thursday at 2:30 pm, following the morning Divine Liturgy and prior to the evening Service of the 12 Gospels.

As a sinful human being, I am indeed struggling with the fear and anxiety that the evil one is throwing at me over this situation. However, especially in these difficult times, I have also come to know the peace and power of God which crushes all such worries, and instills in our hearts a comfort and calm that can never be taken away from us. I trust in God that no matter what happens, I know that He loves us and, in ways unknown to us, is allowing this for our salvation. In many ways, I feel like Lazarus who was already dead (whose Canon we'll sing tonight and celebrate the Divine Liturgy tomorrow). His and our only hope for Life is that Christ will call us and raise us up from the tomb... which He indeed does through His life-giving Resurrection, trampling down death by death.

May God grant each and every one of us the the faith and courage carry our Cross and follow Christ, and to behold His glorious Resurrection!

With the utmost love in Christ, and with the most sincere thanks for your continued love and prayers,
Your unworthy servant in our Crucified and Risen Lord,

Fr. Michael

Dear ones at St. Luke’s,

Christ is in our midst!

In your heartfelt loving care and prayerful concern, many of you have been thoughtfully asking about me.  As I am just now beginning to feel a little bit better and once again more human, I'd like to offer you a brief update of how things are progressing.

  First of all... Thank you for your love and prayers!  This means the world to me, and I am certain that it is only by the grace of God, and through the prayers of so many beloved ones in Christ, that I have been able to survive the grueling treatments of the past six weeks.  The combined chemo, radiation, and drug therapy finally came to a close this past Monday, Feb. 22nd.  Although all the doctors and nurses all said that 'I did great' - for example, every week my blood work was good, etc. - still, I don't think I could have endured another week of it.  Nausea every day, all day long... physically speaking, it was just miserable.

Nevertheless, God always provides us the strength, peace and joy to patiently endure all things; to take up the Cross, whatever form it may take in each of our lives, and to follow Christ in faith and love.  So, although I wasn't able to vest and serve these past three Sundays, still, I haven't missed any Liturgy; and I have been blessed to at least have been able to hear confessions and help distribute the Holy Gifts.  Following the Divine Liturgy yesterday, I'm feeling more energized (no pun intended for St. Gregory Palamas Sunday!) and I look forward to the Presanctified Liturgy this Wednesday, and then vesting to serve the Divine Liturgy once again next week on the Sunday of the Holy Cross.

The whole purpose of these treatments was to, God willing, shrink the mass enough so that it can be removed by a second surgery... which they say is my only hope for a 'cure'.  I'll be receiving a CT scan on 3/23, just before Holy Week, to determine whether another surgery is an option or not, or if they might need and endoscopic ultrasound for a better picture of things.  I meet with the oncologist on 3/26 to see if surgery is deemed a go, which is what we are praying for, and then it will be scheduled and likely take place soon after Holy Pascha.  This was music to my ears, realizing that I will be blessed to be able to celebrate the Holy Week and Pascha services at St. Luke's once again this year! 

That's about it for a brief medical update.  Spiritually speaking, through our Lord's mercy and loving kindness, I feel very much at peace these days.  Glory and thanks be to God!  We are so blessed to be surrounded by such a loving, supportive and faithful parish family here at St. Luke's... and by a dear family in Christ that knows no geographical limitations, including all the faithful of our Archdiocese and beyond.

Just knowing that you are there and praying... this means everything!  May God bless you always!

Thank you for your love and prayers,
Your servant in Christ,
Fr. Michael

Blessed Feast-day today of the Holy Apostle Andrew, the First-Called, to all the beloved faithful in Christ at St. Luke's! It was such a blessing to see you shining radiantly and be together with you yesterday at the celebration of the Holy Liturgy, to be lifted up in prayer into the Kingdom, and to receive the precious and all-holy, life-giving Body and Blood of our Lord and God and Savior, Jesus Christ: unto the healing of soul and body, unto the remission of sins, unto a good defense before the fearful judgment seat of Christ, unto faith unashamed, unto love unfeigned, and unto life everlasting!

The last letter I wrote to you was in the early morning hours of Friday, November 20th, just prior to going into the hospital for surgery. I wrote it with my heart being filled with love for you, my dear ones in Christ, knowing that those words could very well have been the last prayer, encouragement and comfort I'd have the blessing to offer you in this life.

So much has happened in the subsequent ten days, and although I hesitate to attempt to capture some of it in writing, I think that it is best that I try in order to keep personal communication alive between us, so that we can always continue to love and pray for one another in holy peace and in the unity of steadfast faith in Christ.

We arrived at the hospital early in the morning of the 20th, smoothly went through all the admission procedures, and then I was welcomed into the Operating Room to bless it. So, in front of several of the doctors and nurses who would be performing the surgery, I proceeded with the Trisagion Prayers; then after "Our Father…", sang the Troparia for St. Luke, the Holy Cross and for the Resurrection ("Christ is Risen…"), all while blessing with Holy Water every open wall of the O.R. with the sign of the Cross. Afterwards I prayed for the doctors and the nurses in particular, for everyone under their care, and for all those who are sick throughout the world in need of God's visitation and merciful love. Then I hung up a small Icon of the Resurrection. All week long, I wasn't sure which Icon to bring, but then it seemed very appropriate to me: here is Christ pulling up Adam and Eve out of their tombs, from death to life; and here I would soon be lying "asleep" on an operating table, a sort of grave, with my only hope and faith that Christ would raise me up too. After the prayers, some of the doctors and nurses told me that "the room was filled with a certain peace that had never been there before.

Meanwhile, beginning at 7AM that same morning, I understand that several of the beloved faithful had already begun gathering at St. Luke's in order to pray for God's mercy, that by His grace He might heal me, a sinner. Your heartfelt love and sincere prayers truly humble me beyond words. I am so deeply thankful to God for each and every one of you. Here it was, on a Friday, a workday with the most traffic, and you came to Church to say a prayer for me. From the bottom of my heart: Thank You! I heard that many others came to the hospital throughout the day to help Kyra and our daughters keep strong. I heard that the Molieben for the Sick offered at 12 noon was well attended and that many of my dear fellow clergy drove to St. Luke's from all over southern CA in order to be together and pray. Thank you, dear brothers in Christ! Then, last but not least, that night I remember hearing in the recovery room that the Evening Divine Liturgy for the Feast of the Entrance of the Theotokos was well attended and most beautiful,with a great Lenten pot-luck afterwards. Glory to God for all things!

What follows is much more difficult to write, even a bit embarrassing for me. Still, I offer it to you with the hope that whenever you might be faced with a very difficult situation in life, which will undoubtedly happen at some time or another; you will not loose hope, but will turn to God in faith, knowing that He loves us and "desires not the death of a sinner, but that we repent (turn back to God) and live".

Well, I woke up from surgery… and I was in pain. Several hours had passed, but surgery seemed like just one minute to me. In a somewhat conscious but sleepy painful state, I remembered enough to know that if I woke up in pain, it meant that they were able to proceed and do the surgery, which made me very happy. Furthermore, I'd expected to feel as if an entire herd of elephants had trampled me under foot; yet I actually felt as if only one or two elephants had stepped on me, which made me even happier. Then Kyra and Ana and Katya came into the recovery room and told me the great news that the cancer had not spread, making my soul rejoice even more.

Then however, they continued, with the utmost positive and encouraging attitude, to fill me in with yet more news… news that I did not expect and apparently wasn't prepared to hear. The surgery did in fact proceed, all the way to the pancreas. There was no evidence of cancer spread, but due to the nature of my particular cancer, it was deemed too risky to try and remove it at that time. It appears that not only do I have a 3 cm "solid mass", but it is also interconnected with a 3 cm mass of nasty cysts,which were described as looking like a "little cluster of grapes". If one of those cysts were to break or leak, then the cancer would have spread. So, it was decided to close for now, give some time to heal; then undergo several weeks of chemo and radiation in order to shrink the cysts down to a "little cluster of raisins"; and then once again to undergo surgery (perhaps in late January,early February) and this time be able to remove all the cancer. This is the plan for physical healing, and I am meeting with an Oncologist this Friday morning, Dec. 4th, Saints Barbara and John of Damascus, to map out an aggressive treatment in more detail.

Speaking of my somewhat unique mass and cystic pancreatic cancer, my mom reminded me on the phone that, from the very beginning, it seems I've always been a bit "unique", and in the process have always been preserved by the hand of God. For example: giving my mom and dad a great scare, I jumped into this world feet first (literally) with the cord wrapped around my neck. And then at one year old, (pre baby car-seats), I was in a car accident that left me in a hospital for three months. Other than the scars that remain, I remember none of this, yet it is certain that God saved and preserved me many times over in His grace and love for mankind. So, as I've reminded many faithful throughout the years: "We are and have always been in the hands of God, even from our mother's womb; so He will not abandon us ever, especially in the time of illness".

After having gone into the surgery with such profound divine peace, I must admit that, spiritually speaking, Friday post-surgery and Saturday all day were very difficult and quite a struggle. I would be lying if I said there was no self-pity and fear. I felt anxiety over this burden, and at one point think I said to Kyra: "why did they even bother to sew me up, they should have just put in a zipper for the next surgery". Furthermore, being filled with medications and pain killers, I kept trying to pray, but was getting confused and had a hard time remembering the words in the right order, even for the Jesus Prayer. So, I just kept repeating the first part, calling upon the Name of the Lord, and simply praying "Lord, Jesus Christ" over and over all through the night. Saturday was difficult also. There were so many tubes attached to me, there was much pain, and I felt as if I'd never get out of bed, stand upright or take one simple step ever again. My family came to pray and again offer positive encouragement and love; they also told me of everyone at St. Luke's offering their prayers for healing and their love. After praying that night, I resolved it in my heart to get out of bed and be sitting up in a chair the following morning (Sunday) in order to receive Holy Communion from Deacon Jon, who would be coming to visit. At this point, it was still somewhat an act of stubborn resolve, to do that which I knew I should be doing, even if my heart was not fully at peace yet. In other words, even if I wasn't really ready to take up this cross, I knew that I needed to do it.

So, Sunday morning I stood up, walked two steps and sat into a chair. There I prayed and waited eagerly for Holy Communion. After receiving the Holy Gifts at about 1 pm, now that I think back, my soul has been at peace ever since. On Monday morning, I begged them to remove the epidural and all pain medications and all tubes everywhere… which they did by early afternoon. Then I started walking, and kept on walking throughout Tuesday, passing the nurses station on purpose several times, so that they knew I was ready to go home, which I did that evening. Then every day since, through your prayers and the intercessions of the saints, I've been blessed to feel better and better, stronger and stronger; till finally I was able to walk two miles on Saturday and best of all, come to the Divine Liturgy yesterday!

It is true that I still feel rather weak; you heard my feeble voice yesterday and noticed that I've lost 25 pounds in the last two months. I am also still light-headed, which is why I am not yet driving and thought it best not to serve or even carry a Chalice this past Sunday. Still, if every day continues to bring more healing and strength, I plan, God willing, to con-celebrate the Divine Liturgy this Sunday, December 6th, St. Nicholas Day, together with Fr.Michael Reagan. And, as soon as possible, I want to start visiting the sick from St. Luke's to pray and bring them Holy Communion. I will even try to be at a portion of our parish's Advent Retreat this weekend on "Eucharistic Eating" with John and Mary Granger.

The title of this letter to the parish is "If God heals us,…" which is the first portion of a quote from St. John Chrysostom. His quote reads in full: "If God heals us, then He heals us for more Crosses". How true indeed. I heard this quote from Fr. Thomas Hopko in his CD "The Word of the Cross" (SVS Press), which has been very helpful and healing to me during this time. I think that everyone who listens to this talk will be blessed and enlightened; and more prepared to follow Christ in the midst of difficulties in life.

At any rate, I think by extension (to include everyone on a daily basis) we could say: "If God wakes us up in the morning, it is so we can faithfully take up the Cross and follow Christ". This is what we must do, even if we struggle with it from time to time, just like I did last week. This is the only path that leads to Life in Christ. There is no Resurrection without the Holy Cross; there is no Glorious Pascha without Holy Friday! To take up the Cross and follow Christ is to abide in God's love. This is how we manifest our love for God and for one another… as this is precisely how Christ Himself powerfully revealed to the world His love for God and for all mankind - by hanging upon a Cross to trample down death by death.

May we all be blessed with the faith and courage to deny ourselves (cast away our selfish fears, anxieties and burdens) and take up the Cross every day, no matter how difficult, and follow Christ… He who is the Way the Truth and the Life!

Asking your continued prayers,with much love, the unworthy servant,

Fr. Michael

Beloved and faithful children in Christ at St. Luke's:

The hour now grows late, its already past midnight the night before surgery, and there is just one more letter, indeed the most important letter, that I want to write - to you, all my dear ones and family in Christ. Afterward, I will shut off the computer and everything else worldly in my mind, take up the prayer rope and go to bed to be in silence and quiet, thanking God for every blessing and asking Him to keep us all in the palm of His loving care, and then to hopefully sleep in peace for few hours before getting up and heading to the hospital.

With love and fatherly care for each and every one of you, I feel compelled to write this, having as my purpose just one intention… to share with you to whatever degree I am capable, the deep and profound comfort with which God is and has been comforting me and all our family - with fervent prayers that you too may faithfully abide in His comfort and love, both now and always!

St. Paul wrote: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken; for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort". (II Corinthians 1: 3-7).

Ever since diagnosis on November 3rd, I feel that I have already died. This in turn has brought unutterable joy! What is there for me to hold on to? Pride? Worries? Burdens? How foolish would that be! It would be like clinging to the anchor of a sinking ship! Finally, and for the first time in my life, I really know that I am dead. Yes, I've taught this Orthodox precept in many sermons and at many baptisms and have believed it with all my heart... but this experience is on another level indeed. And, what a glorious wonder! Finally letting go, Christ has risen me up to the experience of Life! He truly is the Way the Truth and the Life! Now, it's as if all the joy of Pascha fills my heart every day. I really can't verbalize this experience any more...I just pray that, during our lifetime, we will all be filled with and experience such profound joy in Christ! This is my prayer for you.

Today was a glorious day! As Kyra remarked earlier in the week, being surrounded by such love and prayers from you and from the faithful across the globe, it would truly be a sin to despair. I fully agree. What is there to despair from, when God had blessed us all so much, every day? Early this morning, the precious and all-holy Body and Blood of Christ were the last food that ate, (other than prescribed antibiotics and a clear liquid diet all day), in preparation for tomorrow's surgery. We were also blessed this afternoon to have the wonder-working Kursk Root Icon visit our home... I am speechless at this great blessing. In Russia,a half a million faithful line up and wait for 18 hours to venerate for 3seconds this 13th century holy icon, before which St. Seraphim of Sarov was healed. And here it came to our home! We offered the Molieben for the Sick, praying for everyone that I know who is suffering from cancer,together with everyone that I know who is ill and in need of prayer. So, in a sense, the faithful of St. Luke's were in the presence of this holy icon through prayers. Then I received word from the surgeon that,thanks be to God, "all the tests look good - no new developments - and we're all set to have surgery tomorrow". Tonight was prayer and anointing with holy oil from St. Nektarios. Then tomorrow morning,before the surgery, it has been arranged that I will be able to go into the Operating Room and bless it with holy water and hang up an icon of the Resurrection of Christ! I've never heard of such a thing! Yes,today was a blessed and glorious day!

I will head into the Operating Room tomorrow in peace, with the Jesus Prayer in my heart as they put me to sleep. I am at peace with all my beautiful family. I am at peace with everyone and everything at St. Luke's. I chuckled to myself today when I remembered that the biggest disagreement we've had with one another in over the past 12 years was… what type of chairs in the hall to replace the vintage green ones! If we were a parish full of huge egos and arguments, there would be great fear and anxiety. Thanks to you and glory to God,we are a peaceful parish abiding in God's love. May it always be!

The surgery is scheduled for 10 am. Sincere and heartfelt thanks to all who have been praying, and who will come to church tomorrow to pray… the doors will be open by 7 am and stay open all day. The Evening Divine Liturgy for the Great Feast of the Entrance of the Theotokos will be celebrated at 6:30 pm and followed by a Lenten pot-luck. I doubt that I'll be able to see any visitors for several days, maybe even a week, but at least till I'm in a regular room. I'll keep in touch through Anna at church and Kyra at home. Still, I am most comforted knowing that my hospital room is so close to St. Luke's, in the shadow of the Cross on the dome of the Church.

With the utmost love and prayers, counting it a blessing to serve our God,

Fr. Michael

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word". (II Thess. 2: 16-17)

Glory to God for all things!

Dear faithful and most beloved family in Christ at St. Luke's,

This day my spirit is soaring with joy and thanksgiving, offering all glory, honor and worship to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit; being upborne on the wings of your love and prayers, which I have felt so strongly and sincerely; through the intercessions of the all-holy Lady Theotokos, the Apostle and Evangelist Luke, and all the saints; and being upheld in the strong, steadfast and merciful hands of God.

I have wonderful news to share! Today's endoscopic ultrasound revealed that I do indeed have pancreatic cancer (no need to write about the details of the diagnosis). However, the doctors presently agree that it was caught soon enough, and thus limited enough in scope, to allow me to be a strong candidate for surgical removal. This is the best news that I could have possibly received. The surgery will be rather extensive, with many things removed and rearranged, but it offers the best opportunity towards healing. Thank you, most loving and merciful God!

I am scheduled for another endoscopic procedure on this Thursday at 8am (the 3rd in ten days), which will look within the pancreas duct itself and determine if any portion of the pancreas will remain or not. Should there be any evidence of certain cells within the pancreas, then the whole thing will be removed, rendering me a complete diabetic. This surgery could happen as early as November 20th.

Your emails and phone calls and kind words of love and encouragement have brought many tears to my eyes. Thank you and God bless you always! I've read every word and apologize for not yet being able to respond to everyone. Other than some juice, I just ate the first food of today an hour ago at 7pm, some chicken soup and a slice of apple pie… yummy! My throat is still sore from today, and will be made sore yet again on Thursday; but this is such a small thing! I only mention it because it is really difficult for me to talk on the phone with you right now. Plus, my head still feels a little "off" from the anesthesia, and I'd hate to say some silly nonsense!

It is my firm intention and heart's desire to serve the Divine Liturgy at St. Luke's this Sunday. Where else would I rather be than standing before the Holy Altar and joined together in worship with you! We thank Fr. Wayne, who is sending a deacon from St. Barnabas to help at Liturgy this Sunday. There will however, be no Vespers or Matins this weekend, as I know this would be pushing myself too hard.

Kyra, Ana, Katya and I want to express, as best as we are able, our most sincere and heartfelt humble thanks to you for your constant love, faithful support, and healing outpouring of prayer. We love you always!

It is my great joy and a blessing from God to be walking the road of salvation and Life together with you, loving one another and praying for one another, in Christ,

Fr. Michael

To all the faithful in Christ and dear ones at St. Luke's, my beloved and precious family, united in the Holy Orthodox Faith, united in the Body and Blood of Christ; to all you who bring me such joy and peace and comfort in our common prayer, love for God and for one another: Christ is in our midst!

Where to start? I've never written a letter such as this. As your parish priest, I've always appreciated it when you let me know if you or someone near is ill or in the hospital; so that I can call, go and visit, bring the Holy Sacraments, pray with/for you and offer, through the grace of God, some measure of His comfort and the personal experience of God's love and blessings upon us. So now, I need to do the same in return, not to frighten anyone, but to ask your holy prayers. Be assured of my deep love and prayers for all of you too.. Over the years, I've always tried my best and offered all that I can of myself in every aspect of parish life here at St. Luke's. Nevertheless, I know beyond a doubt that I am weak and a sinner and am certain that there are things I could have done better and with more wisdom and love. Please forgive me any and all my short comings as your parish priest over the years and I ask for your patience in the days ahead. Please pray for me and for my family: Kyra, Ana and Katya.

Here goes… Just a few weeks ago, in the beginning of this month of October, I began to notice certain`symptoms' that one could reasonably ascribe to stress, an upset stomach,etc. I thought that, following our Feast Day and 50th Anniversary celebrations on the 18th, the stress and symptoms would subside. One week later,they didn't. And by this past Sunday,the 25th, I noticed that I had lost 12 pounds over the last three weeks and that I was very weak and lightheaded during Matins and Liturgy. My family and others urged me to lay aside the foolishness of `I'll be fine' and go to the Urgent Care, which I did this Monday.

The doctors there saw that my eyes were yellow and I was jaundice, meaning that certain digestive functions were shutting down. They admitted me to St. Joseph's hospital immediately. I went through several tests, the last being a CT scan at 10pm on Monday. Then an overnight stay with no food or drink allowed. At 8am on Tuesday, the doctor came to speak with me and let me know that I'd be having a `busy day'. The CT scan revealed a mass growing on the head of my pancreas that was pressing on the common bile duct, thus shutting off proper digestive function. I was scheduled for surgery at 1pm to implant a stint in the bile duct to open it and restore digestive function, stop the jaundice, etc. My dear friend and beloved fellow priest, Fr.Michael Laffoon, was able to visit me on short notice to hear my confession, pray and anoint me with Holy Oil. This surgical procedure was painted as relatively simple, but not a guaranteed success, as there could always be complications. A temporary (four week) plastic stint was successfully implanted and all indications are, glory to God, that this first part of treatment was a success.. Biopsies were also taken of the pancreas. I woke up from the surgery at 2pm, went back to the room at 3pm, and then was eager to go home and released by 7pm. Yesterday I rested at home and have been trying to eat to regain much needed strength. Today I am feeling well enough to be at Church and respond to many emails and phone calls. Unfortunately,my throat is still a bit sore from Tuesday's surgery, in which several tubes were put down my throat (a minor thing), so I'm trying to keep the talking and calls to a minimum to help my voice's healing.

The reason for a plastic temporary stint to open the bile duct is that the closed duct was not the primary cause of my problem, it was a symptom of the real problem; the mass growing on the head of my pancreas which pressed upon it and closed it in the first place. The doctor said that we'll need to take swift action with the primary concern, the mass growing on my pancreas, and that this would be happening soon, before the four weeks. I have an appointment to see the doctor this Monday at 4pm to discuss the biopsy results, course of action, further tests,etc. So for now, I've let you know everything that I know. Yes, this is very serious and the news hit me like a freight train. My father died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 54. It was on Holy Thursday in my first year at St. Luke's.

For this weekend, Oct. 31stand Nov 1st, we'll plan to have Vespers, Matins and Liturgy as usual. I do not know what to expect for the following weekend, the Feast of the Holy Archangels! It depends on how things go on Monday and how swiftly we are able to act, what needs to be done, etc. I've already contacted His Grace, Bishop JOSEPH with this news and the beloved local clergy, so they are ready to fill-in and help as needed. I am most sincerely thankful!

I really don't know what else to say. I'm so sorry for bearing this news to you, as you are all so precious and dear to me and I'd never want to hurt any one of you by any means whatsoever.

With all my love and with thankfulness to God for each and every one of you, asking your prayers,

Fr.Michael